exhausting.

seamus has been sleeping almost through the night for about a week and a half, now. and let me tell ya: it's been a beautiful thing. he usually wakes up somewhere between four and five, but is pretty willing to go back down until around seven. last night he woke up at five thirty (after finally falling asleep at nine!), and while usually i'm pretty out of it while feeding him (usually i doze off a bit) last night i got this surge of joy. i was feeding him and he was pretty awake, looking right at me, and i just couldn't believe that this little boy is mine. all mine (well, i suppose i share the rights to him with hunter). as we sat there, just the two of us awake, i became overwhelmed with the knowledge that this little boy is really here. he's a real, live human being resting in my arms. 

he's exhausting sometimes. it's exhausting being the person that he seeks nourishment and comfort from. those are things that no one else can give him in the same way that i can, and sometimes it's just plain exhausting. while other people get handed the smiley version of seamus, i usually get him when he's inconsolable. it's exhausting. but, what a privilege it is. to be someone's source of comfort. other people can try, and it might work for a few minutes, but ultimately it comes down to me and him.

isn't that the way it is with Jesus, sometimes? that's how i want my relationship with Him to be, at least. that He is my true source of nourishment and comfort. other things might work for a moment, like seamus can eat from a bottle, but it doesn't fully satisfy. other people can hold and rock seamus, but that real and true calming only comes from me. sometimes i try to find comfort, hope, and nourishment in things other than Jesus. things like hunter, music, television, ice cream, and even myself. they may satisfy for a moment, but never in the long term. but, Jesus? comfort, hope, and nourishment can always be found in Him and it is always satisfying. it's the real deal. 

but, ultimately, loving and being loved like that? nothing better.